As my good friend Bill once said, "The day it all ends is today." And so it is, gentlemen, ladies. I have decided to remove my wit, my self, and my irrationality from 20six. Oh, hush, don't fret. I'll be posting (rarely, mind you) at Stephen's site. I'll put up a link  or something and if you are too lazy to spell hislastname.com. What I"ll probably do to keep the site alive (just in case 20six deletes inactive accounts) is to post random phrases into my poetry section and leave steve's link up in the thoughts, ramblings section. As this is my last post, i'll do away with proper grammar, usage, and mechaniccs entirely.

    But before I go, I have a few things to share with you, all of which came to me at about 5 AM this morning. They sounded cool at the time, so forgive me if they aren't so now. I'll start with the dream.

   So me and the boys are riding along a typical kudzo covered track. We are in search of the coolest haunted house. Why we chose the woods in which to look is beyond me. So we pass each house, and since there are always ridiculous laws of nature in dreams, we saw that each plot of land had sort of a width limit. Each plot was as long as the day, but could only be about 30 feet wide. We passed houses with elongated backyards( all covered with kudzo, the neighborhood was very "foresty"). Trees provided a decent enough backdrop. It was fall and everything was turning brown or gray, no insane color as of yet. We arrived at the place and pulled some crazy manuever to get to the driveway. It reminded me of waiting in line at a theme park: you had to stay in that snaking, roped-off line. This man's driveway was the same. One had to driveabout 90 feet, turn 180 degrees, and then drive towards the house on a road right beside the one we had just ridden on. So we get there, and the haunted house is little more than a front porch. We walk through the front door and we are still outside; there is a roof overhead and viney pillars holding it up. Beyond that there are trees, shrubs and random wilderness. It looks suspiciously like my grandmother's back porch, but there are a few items on it that do away with that feeling completely. There is a single wooden rocking chair with a red button on it's side. There are a few Halloweeny decorations put up, but overall it really isn't that scary. The boys are Billy, Brandon, Dillon/Andrew. I say Dillon/ Andrew because at any given time, either one could be there, but never at the same time. So we press a little red button on this large, plastic, fake-looking skull-and-crossbones suspended from one of the iron viney pillars. A spooky voice tells one of us to sit down and press the button on the chair. I do. Smoke shoots out of the ground and I can't see shet. I'm pretty scared that my douchebag friends will leave me. . .

but thankfully they do not. During the smoke screen , a fattish man came up dressed in what looked like a 10 dollar Wal-Mart rendition of the outfit the murderers in Scream wore--minus the mask. He stood at the edge of the porch, and just looked on. He had a hood, shrouding the top half of his face. He didn't speak. I noticed similar figures moving around in the backyard, occasionally strolling by a break in the foilage. The bright day took away any fear I might have felt. Dillon/Andrew had to take a slam. The group deliberated, consented, and Dillon/Andrew headed north. To what, I can't say. We heard a chainsaw in the distance, and nothing was happening at the porch. The Scary voice had ceased talking, and the Strange man still sat and looked creepily forward. It was about this time that I really had to piss. Hard. Worst ever. The man in the black costume spoke. "Don't you want to see what awaits you outside?" I'm not sure why, but all of my friends jumped up and ran. Brandon ran in the man's direction, Andrew (who I assumed split from Dillon, amoeba-style) and Billy ran the polar opposite direction. I started to run in another completely different direction from any of them, but quickly decided I'd rather not be alone in this strange place. I had the distinct feeling that the man was trying to break us up, maybe to eat us one by one. Anyways, I quickly turned around and caught up to Billy and Andrew. WE heard the chainsaw louder this time, and I began to fear for dillon. It was at this point that Dillon, being an undercover operative for numerous governments, dropped out of a tree wearing a camoflauged maske and a wife beater.

"What took you guys so long?"

He was all alert and ready to go. It was at this time that Andrew left us. Not walked away, but kind of dissolved physically. Andrew was part of Dillon again--that is, they were the same person. So we ran on, passed a shed ( a shed EXACTLY like the one in my grandmother's backyard--interesting) and came upon a huge downed limb about the size of a full grown tree. It lay beside an enormous oak and had the sheared look of having lost in a battle with a chainsaw. It was then that Brandon ran up to our group, making us four again. A gigantic man with a buzzing saw swinging crazily above his head came out from behind the tree. We stopped running, clenched our fists, and shot a quick glance at each other.

Brandon said, "Let's kick his ass."

So I woke up and my bladder was burning. It was 5 AM and boy did I have to take a monster piss. I stumbled with my eyes closed to the bathroom. During the release, I thought how scary that dream could have been, but how funny it was. I anticipated it to return when I closed my eyes to go back to sleep, and I dreaded that. Dreams like those can turn scary pretty fast. So I stumble back to the bed, and closed my eyes. I then thought of two things.

The first was: why didn't we make a production screen for Risk-y Business? I mean, Universal has one, 20th Century Fox has one; why not deutsch-bag Productions? So I snuggled under my covers and began to think of one. So you've got the 5 makers of the movie: Bill, Rob, B, Al, and Xack all doing there own thing (BTW, this production screen only lasts about 10 seconds). I'm now going to borrow a format I saw on Xack's site. THANKS XACK.

Camera 1: Xack's camera--Xack is pumping iron in a gym, he looks intense for a very short period...(MUSIC BEGINS TO PLAY: FLIGHT OF THE VALKYRIES, BY RICHARD WAGNER) but then realizes something is calling to him, he slightly cocks his head with a look of puzzlement. It is replace with a moment of epiphany. He runs off camera.

Camera 2: Al is fly fishing on a summer's day. He's wearing a wife beater. He also looks intent on what he is doing. He experiences a look of puzzlement, the epiphany, he throws down his rod and sloshes off camera

Camera 3: Rob is wearing glasses and a wife beater, he is perusing a book. Identical (to xack and Al)puzzlement and epiphany looks cross his face. He throws down his book and runs off camera.

Camera 4: Bill is looking at himself in the mirror. Wife beater. He hears something calling to him, he cocks his head. He looks introspective, puzzled. Looks up at himself in the mirror in a moment of blinding realization, in awe. He runs off camera.

Camera 5: Brandon is squishing cans in a wife beater. He is about to stomp on a huge stack when he stops, looking puzzled. Feeling as if something is calling to him. He has internal deliberation, and looks up, in sudden realization. he runs off camera.

Camera 6: Switch to action shot of the 5 young men, donned in wife beaters, running towards the sunset, the camera to their backs. They suddenly stop, and the camera view switches to a FRONTAL shot of all 5 boys, showing their faces; they are staring intently at something. Individual shots zip by.

Individual shot 1: Xack covers his mouth with both hands.

IS 2: Al Covers his ears with both hands

IS3: Rob covers his eyes with both hands.

IS4: Bill looks confused for a VERY short period. He recovers with confidence, and plugs up his nose with two knuckles, one from each hand.

IS5: Brandon Slaps his forehead, but does not remove his hand.

Camera 6: the 5 dudes in their poses during the individual shots. The screen turnsbright white, and 'deutsch-bag productions' appears in black, superimposed on the white screen. Thunder is heard, and Flight of the Valkyries fades out.

With that project complete I began to think how cool it would be to make a haunted house. I was still snuggled under my covers, and before I allowed myself to drift off again I thought of how to make a really scary haunted house. OK, so you guys might make fun of me, but i think it would be a good idea. Allow 4 people to come in at a time, but slowly separate them. That is, have 4 different paths through the house. Don't separate them all at once. Maybe at the beginning have two doors. Make one person branch off at different intervals. Not only would you be able to scare the shit out of someone ( people who fly solo in haunted houses are much easier to scare) but participants would be able to go through 4 more times and still experience new things. Kind of a "collect-all-the-horrors" situation. Regardless of what you think, I still though at 5 AM this morning, that it would be very cool. Oh, yeah, and have them join up at the very end, so they could all finish together. Bad idea? Great Idea? Boo knows.

Well, with all that having been said, I"m going to leave this place. Worry not, I'll still post from time to time at Stephen's site, which I will supply a link to after I post this rubbish. So, to all my fans, goodbye, farewell, don't call, don't write (me).